I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
