sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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