I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
