And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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