I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
