we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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