soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
