Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
