My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
