Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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