you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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