i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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