My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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