The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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