You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
