Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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