i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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