Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
