just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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