Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
