I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
