I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
