Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Holy sore nipples Batman
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
