I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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