I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think my tv is drunk
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
