You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
