I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
