I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
