if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
