it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
