It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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