there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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