im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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