If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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