Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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