Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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