call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
