i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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