Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
