my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
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The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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