OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
