We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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