Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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