cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
