I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
