and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He felt like a one man threesome
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
