One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
