Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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