Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
