so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
