shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
