Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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