dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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