i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
