he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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