Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
