Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
