Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
