i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just cut my nipple shaving
smell my finger.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
