last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We don't watch enough power rangers
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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