Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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