Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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