i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
