Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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