I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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