just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
