So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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