I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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