Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
