I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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