Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
