i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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